When Trying To Comfort Grieving Parents
DO:
DO NOT:
How Grieving Parents Attempt To Cope With The Loss And Move On
Bereaved fathers and mothers try to cope with their grief by:
DO:
- Acknowledge the child's death by telling the parents of your sadness for them and by expressing love and support; try to provide comfort.
- Visit and talk with the family about the child who died; ask to see pictures or mementoes the family may have.
- Extend gestures of concern such as bringing flowers or writing a personal note expressing your feelings; let the parents know of your sadness for them.
- Attend the child's funeral or memorial service.
- Remember anniversaries and special days.
- Donate to some specific memorial in honor of the child. Offer to go with the parent(s) to the cemetery in the days and weeks after the funeral, or find other special ways to extend personal and sensitive gestures of concern.
- Make practical and specific suggestions, such as offering to stop by at a convenient time, bringing a meal, purchasing a comforting book, offering to take the other children for a special outing, or treating the mother or father to something special.
- Respect the dynamics of each person's grief. The often-visible expressions of pain and confusion shown by grieving parents are normal. Grief is an ongoing and demanding process.
DO NOT:
- Avoid the parents or the grief. Refrain from talking about the child who died or referring to the child by name.
- Impose your views or feelings on the parents or set limits for them about what is right or appropriate behavior.
- Wait for the parents to ask for help or tell you what they need.
- Tell them you know just how they feel.
- Be afraid to let the parents cry or to cry with them.
How Grieving Parents Attempt To Cope With The Loss And Move On
Bereaved fathers and mothers try to cope with their grief by:
- Admitting to themselves and others that their grief is overwhelming, unpredictable, painful, draining, and exhausting-that their grief should not be diminished or ignored.
- Allowing themselves to be angry and acknowledging that they are vulnerable, helpless, and feeling disoriented.
- Trying to understand that to grieve is to heal and that integrating grief into their lives is a necessity.
- Acknowledging the need and desire to talk about the child who died as well as the moments and events that will be missed and never experienced with the child.
- Maintaining a belief in the significance of their child's life, no matter how short.
- Creating memorial services and other rituals as ways to commemorate the child's life.
- Deriving support from religious beliefs, a sense of spirituality, or a personal faith.
- Expressing feelings in journals, poetry, prayers, or other reflective writings or in art, music, or other creative activities.
- Trying to be patient and forgiving with themselves and others and refraining from making hasty decisions.
- Counting on, confiding in, and trusting those who care, listen, and hear, those who will walk with them, and not be critical of them, those who will try to understand their emotional and physical limitations.
- Increasing their physical activity and maintaining a healthful diet.
- Volunteering their services to organizations concerned with support for bereaved parents.
- Obtaining help from traditional support systems, such as family, friends, professionals or church groups, undergoing professional counseling, joining a parent support group, or acquiring information on the type of death that occurred as well as about their own grief.**
- Reassuring themselves and others that they were and still are loving parents.
- Letting go of fear and guilt when the time seems right and the grief seems less.
- Accepting that they are allowed to feel pleasure and continue their lives, knowing their love for their child transcends death.